blew-off-away

Title:Blew-off-away
date:27 marz,2009
time:0340 hrs

no..
no,i cannot waste another minute of my life..
no,i cannot live to waste my potentials..
no,i cannot let my potentials be demolished by my foolish actions..
no,i cannot act like i have nothing to lose..
no,i cannot lose to my twisted-wrong-desires..
....whispers of evil,these desires are!!

these desires are pulling me down ruthlessly..
down to where i cannot bear to stand alive,
to live in bitterness,to have nothing to hold to..
down to where i cannot turn the clock around,
to live in remoarse,to lament of yesterdays..
to where dissapointment undertake oneself..
....ohh,would then i wished i done something significant!!

yes..
yes,god,guide me..
be my guidance..
yes,strength, provoke me..
be my trigger..
yes,will,persuade me..
be my influence..
yes,pressure,drive me..
be my force..
yes,concentration,accompany me..
be my companion..
answer me,,
....please,i am pleading!!

i am halfway of the path,,watching away..
i am off the lines,,somewhere along the way..
i am not turning my head around,,back away..
i am waking up,,spending my heart away..
either force-forward..
either pace-forward..
i am embarking my mark on the future..
blew it away,blew it away!!

Long since last i read this one..but,its one of my favorite poem..Inspires me much..

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Reaction Kinetics A2

Jap gi,30 minit lagi aku test..chapter neyh..jadi,,utk refresh kepale otak aku nehh..mari la kite revise besame same..

aduuhh..ape yg aku da blaja??aduhh..kosong..japg msti kosong paper aku..single digitt suda..dahhh...

nak testtt...

Habokk

Perghh..
bezaman xupdate..
behabok habok suda..
ahhhaaha~
ahh,btw,aku kat GMi..
nxtwik exam A1..
takuuuttt..
ahhahaha~
ohh lord..oh lord..
what can i say..
im soo not readyy yettt..
ill find more time..
spend more time juge utk blogging..
kembali aktivv..
menjadi aktivis..
gagagag~

Happy Birthday To You~

Happy Bday To You..Happy bday to you..happy bday to ajim..happy bday you~~~

May His Blessings Upon You Always..I pray that the Almighty keep you steadfast on His path and that He extend His mercy,grace,and compassion over you..May you remain a source of love,inspiration and joy to your family..May He keep you safe and keep you pace right toward the path that straight..He keeps you feel safe and bless you with courage in times of adversity and success..

Muhammad Hazim Bin Mohd Zulkifli..A bestfriend of mine..We struggled hostel life together..We spent our times together..Buat benda baek dan jahat sesame..Grown up side by side through the years..He helped me much..OwW~ajim, I do Love you!!ahhaha~ sentimental sekali sekala juge..Keyla,u jgn mara yeh..I tak curik pon ur abg..

Ape yg patot diceritekan disini??ajim,we started smoking together yeh??flirt on girls too,together..But,not that one girl you love most ann..ahhaha~n,kantoi smoking juge besame..Kerana POKYA juge..tape2..Sabarlah sahabat..

Sorry for times i let you down..Sorry for bad times, when im not around..Sorry when i hit you hard..sorry..emM~but,remember,im always there for you..as a friend,and as a brother(Ckg Arsyad n Sir Phua called us twins an??ahhaha~pelik sungguh)..

Aku ke"blank"an sudah..mawu tgk Manu dan barca pule..n,btw,i hope lagu aku ngn gita tadik masok yeh..tak sedap pon,but sincerely from aku and Aop..hahaha~ure older,dude..18 yeh??ahhahaa~

Will Always Love Her~

EmW~ 28/04/2008..28/04/1966..28/04/2007..Al-Fatihah.. today..the day..that day.. arwah mak aku,dilahirkan..dan menghembuskan nafas terakhir..28 april 2007..genap setahun arwah meninggalkan aku dan kembali ke Rahmat Allah..perasaan dikala ini,memang tidak boleh digambarkan..
She was the only mother i had..and the only that i will ever had..i love her..always..and will always do..she died suffered breast cancer,five years exactly..i remember,time nak UPSR,standard 6,she was pregnant to Hanini when she found that she was having a cancer,a deadly killer among women..Then she had the surgery to remove the cancer cells at Hosp. Metro Sg. Petani..She was admitted to the hospital,for further care..At that time,UPSR is just moons away,i struggled to finish all my homeworks..I mean,how stupid and selfish was I,it was friday,and esok ade kelas,so i buat homeworks,and ayah nak gi hospital jengok mama,all i cared at that time was my homework..I refused to visit mama hanya kerana all that stupid homework!!Sangat selfish!!Now,ase menyesal sangat,terkenang kembali..I remember,i had to stay ngan Pak Njang sebab ayah nak jaga mama kat hospital,makan tandoori dekat kedai mamak ngn Pak Njang..
After the surgery,mama kene wat chemo..kat Hosp. Specialist Bkt. Mertajam..The only thing i remember kat hospital ni ialah,tong2 gas..tong oksigen kot,yang besar2 belaka..Then,after all the treatment,she started to work back..i don't understand why she had to work,our life was stable at that time,no financial problem or anything..But,still,die nak jugak keje..So,tapelah..
Then..in form1 form2,die kene wat surgery skali lagi..kat Pantai Medical Centre,Penang..And,macam biase..chemo lagi..This time,chemo die ntah berape round tah..everyday,pegi Pantai Medical Centre utk chemo tersebut..i was there,every single day sebab cuti time tu..Kesian my mom,she drove there all by herself..penat..lepas chemo,drive balik lagi..Ish..aku sangat sedih time tu..If only,aku ley drive..aku akan drive..tapi,aku sangat la kecik lagi..Tapelah..Then,ayah akan amik halfday untuk hantar mama..Ok la siket an..EmW~Time nih,adalah masa yang aku ase sangat memberi impak kat hidop aku..Tiap2 hari,aku akan kemas umah,sapu sampah,basoh dan sidai baju dan kemudian melipat baju,membeli nasik dan lauk2 untuk lunch,sediakan dapo dan meja untuk lunch..haa,itulah..aku ok je,sebab aku ase seronok buat sume tu..still,sampai sekarang aku akan wat bende yang same tiap2 ari..and,aku akan kemas juge umah bile aku nak travel,tak tido umah ke..Yelah..takan nak tinggal umah semak kat ayah ngn Hani an..EmW~time nih,aku akan sentiasa ingat kat sahabat aku yang satu itu,Macy..Die sangat supportive,a great listener,memberi nasihat dan memberi motivasi juge..and,mama..die ingat juge kat macy..selalu bertanya pasal die..ok..tanak cite sal macy,membuat aku ase bersalah..
Then,bile f4,cancer mama dah maken serius..kate doktor,cancer cells tersebut dah spread ke lung..and akan spread ke otak pule..So,mama kene pergi Hosp. Penang utk treatment,for her meds..Seminggu sekali paling kurang..Time cuti ujong taun F4,die kena wat chemo lagi..cume ths,die akan kene straight utk 2 minggu,setiap hari and akan stay kat Hosp. Penang,kemudian dipagi hari naek van ambulan yang kaler puteh dan bebunyi2 nenoneno itu,untuk pergi Pantai Medical Centre nak wat chemo..Skali lagi,Selfish aku datang kembali pada masa yang tak sepatotnye..ayah suruh aku jage mama kat hosp penang..tido sane2 minggu..balek umah seminggu..then pegi lagi sekali,2minggu utk next round..aku tanak pegi..aku tanak jage mama..boleh korang bayangkan betape sangat *#@^%%$&**# aku nih,tanak jage mama..adeyh..terok sungguh aku..aku tanak sebab,nak gi kelantan..dudok ngan ajim and baten wat study group nak revise subjects F4,nak SPM lah konon..Naseblah ayah bertegas suruh aku jage mama,dan sekarang aku paham kenape..He knows that,this is the last chance utk aku spend time ngn mama,dan utk aku ade memori tersebut..Last time..die tak cakap kat aku..but,now..aku sangat paham..Thanks ayah!!dekat hosp,aku akan tido kat kerusi malas sebelah katil mama,belikan nasik kat bawah,kemas katil,angkat mama masok dalam ambulan dan paling penting utk bersembang dan jage mama..aku igt agi,ambulan tu..sangat sejuk..ntah la econ ape die pakai.tapi memang sejuk dwh..best gak lam ambulan..dan laju jugak ambulan tu meluncur,yang best bile jalan cam jam an,die bukak bunyi die..sudah,sume kenderaan awam dan kenderaan persendirian akan memberi ruang utk kami..Selalu dalam ambulan akan ade 2org patients aw,dan aku nak masok dalam ambulan tu,kene angkat patient,angkat cam katil yang boleh ditolak2 tu..berat senanye nak angkat patient neyh,dan ade teknik2 nak angkat deme..aku belaja lah,dalam mase yang singkat teknik tersebut,sebab tiap2 ari aku kene angkat..best gak senanye..nak angkat mama tak susah,sebab she still can walks and berdiri herself..cume nak angkat patient laen nih,ade yang tak de tenaga langsng nak begerak..so,memang kene angkat dari katil die,ke katil yang boleh ditolak tu,kemudian angkat katil yang leh tolak tu masok dalam ambulan,uishh..bukan senang oohh..aku igt la,auntie nih,chinese,memang sangat berat,die tak leh nak begerak langsung,becakap je boleh..kesian die..dalam ambulan an,aku selalu bawak note2 syariah ngn AQS nak bace..tapelah,nak SPM la katekan..akak nurse kot,ke attentant tah,selalu sangat tanye aku sal syariah ngn AQS tu..die kate aku rajen,adeyh la..tape2..EmW~kemudian,aku dapat sorang membe jugak..name die Dayat,die jage mak die jugak,quit kolej mara nak jage mak die..baek die tu,mak aku selalu puji die,sebab an,die akan mandikan mak die,die akan prepare sume2 la utk mak die..and,die akan sentiase ade dekat ngn mak die time mak die tak tido..bile mak die tido baru la die kuar..aku selalu lepak ngn die..and,one day,aku bawak die gi Prangin Mall,sebab die kate de nak usha kedai hardcore kat c2..aku bawak lah..mamat nih,senanye melayan hardcore band,dan rambot die sangat la smart,panjang dan memang cam musician pon..walaupun appereance die gitu,tapi hati die baek sangat..malam tu,lepas mama ngn mak die da tido,kitorang kua lah..lepak kat kdai mamak bawah,ttbe die ajak aku g clubbing pule..die cakap nak usha live band kat c2..ktrg pon jalan lah,singgah satu2..jalan punye jalan,singgah punye siggah,tetawu da jauh rupenye,dekat ngn komtar pulak..tape2,benti minum jap..bateri enset mamt neyh kong la pulak..due2 enset die..dalam perjalan nak balek,die on enset..ttbe,ade call..from sister ward 5 tu..angkat,aku tengok muke die da laen dah..patu,die kate,siste suh balek,mak die nga tenat..kitorang pon berlari lari lah kembali ke hospital..panjat pagar belakang,sebab nak cepat sangat..naek je sampai atas,aku da cuak gile..goyang gile..die g kat mak die..aku cepat2 gi bilek air,amek air semayang then bace yaseen..aku bace kuat2 sebab aku da takot gile..mama kate-sejuknye ati mama,anak mama bace yaseen..then,Dayat datang kat aku,die kate "weh mak aku takde dahh".. aku terdiam dan sangat tatawu nak wat ape,aku pelok die,aku kate,saba weh..then die,besiap2 nak kua hospital an,die nak wak lik jenazah mak die malam tu jugak,balek Shah Alam..time nak blah,die kate "tape weh,aku redha".. malam tu,aku tak leh tido berfikir..macam2 aku ase..
EmW~ habes sume chemo,aku pon balek la sekolah lak an,F5 dah..nak SPM..aku igt,2 kali aku sempat balek umah..first time,cuti..aku balek,mama nampak sihat dan ok..cume tak de tenage..then,next time aku balek,cuti..sampai je pagi tu,aku teros gi hosp. Bkt Mertajam,sebab mama dah masok ward ayah kate..ayah,tak penah nak cakap bile mama masok hospital..bile wat treatment..aku tekejot lah,tetibe sampai pagi tu..mama ade kat ward..aku gi ngn ayah..sampai kol 8 pagi,then aku balek umah..time aku sampai pagi tu,mama,nak cakap pon susah,die da start pakai oksigen mask tu an,aku da ase lenmacam..die nak cakap pape pon,die tules je..aku takot gile..aku ingat agi kat buku tu,die tules "takde tenaga nak angkat tgn kiri"..emW~balek umah,aku tido la kejap,ayah teros keluar balek,g hospital..then ptg tu,ayah belk umah,amek kitorang sume bawak gi hospital..Mama,dah tak leh cakap time tu..yang denga kuat,hembusan2 nafas die..ayah suh bace yaseen,aku da ase len macam gile,bulu roma sume da naek..takot,sedeyh,sume ade..aku bace yaseen,then tak sempat abes..Innalillah,hiwa inna ilaihiraju'un..Mama dah takde..845 malam..Pak Ngah ngn Mak Ngah suh aku call sedare mare inform..aku pon call sume2..Then aku call ajim,bestfriend ever..patu aku call baten and keyla..Ajim kate "ko sedie2 sume kat sane,membe2 jangan isaw,aku inform"..Thanks ajim..


My Mom Is Amazing

She wakes early in the morning with a smile,
and she holds my head in her arms,
Don't you ever let anybody put you down,
cause you are my little angel,
Then makes something warm for me to drink,
cause its cold out there she thinks,
Then she walks me to school,yes i eat no full
I just think my mom is amazing,

She makes me feel,
like i can do anything,
and when shes with me,
theres no where else id rather be

After school she waiting by the gate,
i'm just happy that i just can't wait,
to get home to tell how my doing
eat the yummy food only my mom makes
Then i wonder around cause i don't wanna bath
and we ran around the house with laugh
no matter what i say,gets her awake,
i just think my mom is amazing

She makes me feel,
like i can do anything,
and when shes with me,
theres no where else id rather be

In the evening she tooks me into bed,
and i wrap my arms around her head
then she tells me,
One day i would go far away,
One day you became a prince,
I'm so happy, i don't hear clearly,
So she lies in bed with me,
as i close my eyes,
how lucky am i
to have a mom thats so amazing

She makes me feel,
like i can do anything,
and when shes with me,
theres no where else id rather be

Then i wake in the morning shes not there,
then i realise she had gone away,
and i'm still here,
in this empty house
with so many memories inside me,
and as my dreams begin to fade,
i tried hard to look forward to my day,
and theres pain a pain in my heart thats screaming,

HOW I WISH I HAD HER STILL..
SHES AMAZING..ITS AMAZING..

She makes me feel,do anything,shes with me,no where else id rather be


So,friends out there..Love and appreciate what you have..i remember a senior once said "Mak ade satu je,ayah ade satu je,mak ayah..jagelah..jagelah ape yang kite ade..jage elok2"..Al-Fatihah~sedekahkan untuk arwah mak aku..Semoge Allah memberkati dan mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya di sane.."Ya Allah,ampunilah dosa-dosa ibuku,kasihanilah ibu sebagaimana dia mengasihani dan menyayangi aku,rahmatilah ibuku dengan rahmatmu,permudahkanlah segala urusan ibuku disana,terangilah dengan limpahan cahaya rabbani mu,terimalah segala amalan ibuku,Ya Rahman..Ya Rahim..Ya Rabbal Alamin"


<28/04/1964-28/04/2007>

KeCiWa Maa~

waaa~ kekalah yang memang menyakitkan tadik..keciwa maa..sangat keciwa..da la draw ngan barca..Hampeh toi Ronaldo,ley lak penanti tak masok tym tu..minit kedua maa..keciwa..sangat keciwa..dan kekalah malam ini menambahkan kekeciwaan aku kembali..aku sedey dan keciwa juge..huhhuhu~cane la ley kalah..gol yang menyakitkan ati juge..da la ayah dan alep fan liverpool..mereka draw tadik..aku dan amie sbg fan manu yang mengalami kekalahan sebentar tadik kena drop..drop di rumah sendiri..ase cam kalah kat home la pulak..cam kat old trafford kalah..uhhuhu~sedeyhh~keciwa~

(Merah tanda Berkabong)

tape2..maseh berharapan untuk mengungguli apa jua championship..ahhaha~